Kayla.....in training

Well….we started off on our journey today.
Being the fashionista that she is….she insisted on buying the leotard first. We discussed a bit about the concept of “putting the cart before the horse” but she wasn’t buying the idea.
I pressed on.

Our initial venture into the gym brought us to the mats. We would begin our search for medals on the tumbling mats where she would have an opportunity to show these judges what she is made of. It was unfortunate that she chose to spend much of the time on her back…but we forged on with only the occasional episodes of whining and sniveling and pleading. She was beginning to show wonderful form. Clearly though, we need to address the issue of the diaper sticking out of the leotard. This might ruin our whole argument of age discrimination at the Olympics. That, and the absence of a significant number of baby teeth.

Our biggest problem appears to be the concept of space. As much as her form had moments of sheer brilliance…..she just couldn’t find it in herself to remain on the mats. I reminded her repeatedly that this was going to cost her 5/10 of a point deduction each time she insisted on working outside the box. She didn’t care. She can’t count.

The grueling schedule seemed more than she could handle. At times I would find her nodding off with her thumb in her mouth. This was unacceptable. I must find a way to keep her focused on the prize.

We will be back in the gym tomorrow. We have much work ahead of us.

Kayla......as Olympian!

What started out as a dream this week….quickly became an obsession. The Olympics were at full tilt! I was awake many nights past 2 in the morning, sitting on the edge of my bed watching the competitions. The more the hours went by, the more excited I became. The competitions were more than exciting…they were thrilling!! The girls representing us in gymnastics, in the most focused competitive of modes,were master technicians executing skill after skill and showing no signs of fading. This was more excitement than I had seen in some time. These girls were driven to compete on a higher level than we had seen in some time. They were determined to bring Olympic glory and gold back to the US of A!!!

I started thinking. Could there not be a thrill or two right around the corner for ME in London in 2012?? I mean, I have been looking for a reason to return to the Mother Land. This might just be the inspiration I needed..….with a real possibility of glory!! OK, so I am not Bela Karolyi, but I like the occasional challenge and I think I am up to this one!!

I looked at Kayla….she looked at me. Could I possibly assume the role of Coach over Granny-sitter? Would I be able to convince her that we were answering to a higher power on this trip together over the next 4 years? Would she learn to trust me? Would she accept my grueling schedule of early rising for gym workouts , carbo-loading and weight training? Would she respond to my demands? Would she still let me change her diapers and put her down for naps? Could she become the human gymnastic machine that I envisioned?

Would she get past the incessant infantile questions…..”Grandma, does my butt look fat in these pants?”

I think she can succeed. I see her future before her. I see us travelling around the world together meeting challenge after challenge….accumulating gym bags full of medals…standing on risers listening to the stirring sounds of our National Anthem.

For now……we work together….facing the future with chills running down our spines….wondering if we too can become another famous gymnastic team…like Bela and Nadia…..Bela and Mary Lou……Bela and Keri…

We will become the famous Grandma and Kayla….. Olympic trainer and Olympic medalist.

For now…it’s back to basics….

Kayla! One and a two and a three and a lift, lift…lift!!!! Good Job!!!!

And now a word from our sponsors.........

I LOVE the Olympics. I love watching all kinds of sports competition. Football….not so much. But that’s ok…there are plenty of fans to go around for that sport. I am amazed at my diverse interest where sports are concerned. I will cheer for just about anything….archery, cross-country equestrian events, water polo, men’s badminton, synchronized diving….you name it…I pretty much am a fan. I LOVE the fact that we have this wonderful distraction during our hideous election process.

I wake up with an entirely different attitude in the mornings. It is not so much that I need to see the US of A win everything or BE ON TOP of the leader board. I just love seeing people competing at something they love and seeing all the smiling competitive faces. OK, there was a real WOW moment when the men’s relay team did the come-back-of- all-time and I did leap off the bed and nearly break my ankle jumping around. But hey….I still hung onto MY pants…not unlike Michael Phelps. If his pants slip any lower the cable company is going to start charging us a premium rate and call it an adult channel….but, I digress.

I think I have discovered the best distraction in the whole entire world. Every time we have an election, let’s be sure the Olympics is scheduled. It forces these broadcasters off the air and we don’t have to listen to their incessant interpretation of the politicians and what they said and what they meant to say. Do you know how lucky we are that John Edwards’ news flash broke the same day as the opening ceremony??? We were lucky enough to see the most brilliant opening ceremonies of all time and actually not listen to another politician tell us how deeply sorry they were for there repeated momentary lack of conscience and moral values. We didn’t have to hear over and over again of the pathetic sickness of a man so self-absorbed that he couldn’t keep it in his pants, even when his wife was going through her painful battle with cancer.

Yes…these fabulous Olympians have saved us from ourselves yet again. The distraction is wonderful….I wish it would last right through November 6th. But that would be selfish of me. I will learn to hit the off button more often and take my news in little briefs that give me just the basic details, without the personal interpretation.

The Olympics….I keep it on 24/7.
Stay tuned!!

Politics For Dummies

I am thinking we are way too tolerant of our politics in this country. I thought we started this country because we wanted a little more autonomy and were a bunch of free thinkers? I used to really care about politics. Actually I cared about it up until about a month or two ago.
I am now seeing our political system-slash-election system a giant waste of time. I think it’s become a humongous waste-o-time to see how our elections play out. Good grief, it’s been dragging on for months and months and it just gets worse.
We now have the two leading contenders slamming each other about how they are no different than B. Spears and P. Hilton. What the heck?? What are we, 6 years old? We have millions and millions of dollars being dumped into campaigns and I do mean dumped. We have talking heads out shouting each other about 29 different polls that came in yesterday morning and which poll means more than the other. We have one potential candidate (remember, we haven’t even had the conventions yet) making a speech in downtown Berlin, to a crowd of over 200,000 people. Do these people have nothing better to do with their lives then listen to one of our potential candidates speechacting in their town center?

People Of The World…..LISTEN UP!!! One thing we do really, really well in this country is make speeches about what we think you want us to say and do. We are terrific at it. Heck, I just heard half a dozen candidates in the past months promise me everything from lower taxes, lower interest rates, free health care, free education, cheap energy…you name it, we got it, for FREE (or at least cheap). For a price…we will even come to your country and promise you some of the same and throw in world peace!! We excel at telling you what we think you want to hear. We take your donations and promise the earth.

We need to rethink this whole election game. It’s disgraceful how much money we pour into this broken and tired system. The coffers for our elections could have rebuilt New Orleans. There is definitely something to say for the British system of dissolving Parliament and calling for a new government….in a month. That system is looking mighty good right about now.

If I don’t hear one more pundit tell me what he thinks of candidate A or B…it won’t come a minute too soon. And candidates?? Get your butts back down to the Senate floor and do the job you were put there to do. Enough of the travelling all over the country (and the world) in your fancy buses and planes promising us the earth. We don’t need the earth, we just need some common sense working for us back in the capitol. Oh and if I gave you $25 for your campaign, I want it back. My electric bill just came.